I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Is that strawberry winking at me??
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
