nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
