Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
