she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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