was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
