and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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