Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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