I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
