Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
