all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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