Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Randomize
