i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
