Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
