My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
