Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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