i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
