We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
