Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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