I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
