She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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