I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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