Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
