Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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