if i can run in heels then i can drive
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
