There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
