if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Drunk is not a location!
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
