Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
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