Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
