I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
