I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
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