Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
