ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
