I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
