sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize