Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
