once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
