Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize