Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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