im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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