My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
