The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm at about main and main street
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
