Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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