We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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