Got a toothbrush?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
