What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
