I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize