I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
