i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We are all done wearing pants today
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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