My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
