Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize