I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
