she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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