My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Let's get the cat blown out
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
