the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
