I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Randomize
