We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
