ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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