Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
