I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize