I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
