and you said cock pushups were impossible
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
