And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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