I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
