yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
