im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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