remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
