She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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