I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
