Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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