also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
