I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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